


Hiraeth

by Sebastina_Michaelis



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Drabble, Flash Fiction, Gen, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:43:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebastina_Michaelis/pseuds/Sebastina_Michaelis
Summary: I'm homesick for a place I'm not sure even exists.





	Hiraeth

When you set off on this path, you hadn't considered it would take this long. Now that you found yourself settled into the routine of manipulating the people of Paris, you found this back and forth frustrating. But what struck you now that you actually tried looking back, was how much you had actually started to forget.

In Emilie's absence, you had clung to the memories you had of her. They were mementos of the past, and what drove you ever forward. But, you had slowly come to realize that they were fading. You knew what she said, but you struggled to recall the sound of her voice. You couldn't remember the sound of her voice. You couldn't remember that song she always hummed while she got ready. You couldn't remember the smell of her perfume. You couldn't even imagine her chiding you for working so much or being hard on Adrien anymore.

You hated it.

Worst of all, you could hardly bring yourself to watch her films anymore. Whatever small pieces of her you had once reclaimed from them had lost their charm. In fact, the opposite had come to be true. Seeing her wandering through fabricated sets and reciting the same lines you had heard countless times only made you miss her more. There was a disconnect between the woman on screen and the one you longed to hold once again. It amplified your loneliness, and somehow widened the gap between what you wanted to reclaim and that which refused to fade.

Part of you was starting to think it might be better to give this all up. As much as the idea of abandoning Emilie pained you, so did going on the way you were. The seed of doubt that had taken root within you grew with each failed attempt at claiming her as your own once again. It had already been more than a year. All that time and countless attempts that resulted in nothing. With each failed attempt under your belt, the more you started to question if you wanted to keep going on like this.

Despite that, here you were, still waiting for your next chance.

You sigh into the emptiness of your office. Night had crept up on you once again. It could also explain the tumultuous feelings that were starting to rise within you. As the world around you settled in for the evening, it was hard not to mourn what once was. There was something thought provoking about looking out across the empty streets bathed in the glow of streetlamps and moonlight.

Nathalie knocked on the door frame. The trance you had entered staring at a picture of Emilie was broken. “Is there anything else you need, Sir?”

You shake your head before really processing what she had asked. Even if you had needed help with something, you didn't want to keep her any longer than you already had. “No, you're free to go. Goodnight Nathalie, travel safe.”

“Of course, sir. And don't forget I'll be lat tomorrow morning. I've already informed Adrien and sent him his schedule. All you need to do is keep an eye out for is a call from the clotheir.”

“Alright.” Nathalie disappears into the darkness of the hall. The sound of her heels clicking against the tiled floor gradually faded until the sound was nothing more than a memory. You jot down what she had told you on a sticky note before you forgot. As much as you liked to believe you could handle such things yourself Nathalie was far more organized than you were. You had come to think of her as indispensable. Not only was she excellent at her job, but she was good with Adrien. Although sometimes that was for the worse when she got it in her head that it was imperative he was allowed to wander off and do as he pleased. Adrien's friends were persistent, you could give them that much.

You linger at your desk. You felt it too early to turn in for the night but whatever spark of inspiration you had been riding was now extinguished. So much so that glancing on what you had been working on before your mind began to wander made you cringe. You didn't know what you had been thinking, but if in the morning all the sharp angles you had been temporarily enamored with were still as unappealing as thy were in the moment you had clearly been doing something wrong.

You turn everything off for now, The soft glow from your monitor fades. Silence enveloped the darkened room and the rest of the house. Every move you made felt too loud. Once familiar shapes were not shrouded in unfamiliarity, and yet you knew your way around just the same.

Going through the motions of reheating your dinner and pouring a glass of wine brought you some comfort. No matter how much changed some things always felt the same. Although you'd be lying if you said you didn't fantasize about family dinners again, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it anymore. You wouldn't be able to sit there and ask Adrien how his studies were going while staring at Emilie's empty chair. It didn't feel right, not matter how many times you tried.

You found it strange that you had grown all to familiar with her absence, and yet it would still catch you off guard. Together you had worked so hard to make a life for yourselves here. Together you had shaped this into a haven where you could hide away from the public eye. Together you had made this your home, but now it didn't feel that way. You longed to reclaim that sense of peace you once had here. Instead these pristine walls and ill-used furniture felt like a cheap imitation of what you had once called home. If it wasn't for Adrien you might have left this place behind long ago. You might have had it in you to give up this whole thing.

You shake your head to yourself. As often as you entertained the idea of picking up and starting anew, you knew that would never be the case. When it came down to it, you knew that wouldn't do anything to alleviate the restlessness that had buried itself inside of you. _I'm homesick for a place I'm not sure even exists; at least not anymore._

 


End file.
